Ornamental People

Imagine you're in bed, about to fall asleep. Your significant other is cuddled up to you (or on the other side of the bed, maybe you prefer a little space), your blankets are right where you need them, and you can barely keep your eyes open; not that you want to. Suddenly, your neighbor walks in. You're on good terms with your neighbor, but they're not your best friend or anything. Why are they in your room? Even more to the point, why are they stroking your hair and telling you how old and fat you're getting?

This is rapidly encroaching on illegal, right? Why is this socially acceptable to do to people who can't speak up to protest? Why are there people who feel the need to pick up, pat the head, or tickle the feet of every small child they encounter? Why are strangers more willing to touch a strange baby than a strange dog?

It seems to come back to the image of the child, and the idea that they are less human and more ornamental. It takes a perspective shift to see a child, who has evolved to be incredibly appealing to the adult eye, as an independent person with agency. From the moment they're born, babies clearly have preferences. One likes to be cradled, another prefers to be held upright over the shoulder of the adult. One is soothed by Disney soundtracks, another by Bad Religion. And yet the idea culturally held by adults is that children are universally content to be touched by strangers. While it's true that babies need touch to thrive, they need touch in the same way adults do- on their own terms, by their own preferred people. In the way a hug from a favorite aunt is preferable to a hug from a well-intentioned stranger, infants may accept affection from other people, but it does not have the same meaning as a cuddle from a principle caregiver.

In addition to immediate preferences, young children are always learning about the surrounding cultural expectations of them. Do we adults really want them to learn that other people always have a right to their bodies? Or can we teach them through our own actions that even from the smallest, they deserve the same right and comforts that we do?