Skip to main content

Ornamental People

Imagine you're in bed, about to fall asleep. Your significant other is cuddled up to you (or on the other side of the bed, maybe you prefer a little space), your blankets are right where you need them, and you can barely keep your eyes open; not that you want to. Suddenly, your neighbor walks in. You're on good terms with your neighbor, but they're not your best friend or anything. Why are they in your room? Even more to the point, why are they stroking your hair and telling you how old and fat you're getting?

This is rapidly encroaching on illegal, right? Why is this socially acceptable to do to people who can't speak up to protest? Why are there people who feel the need to pick up, pat the head, or tickle the feet of every small child they encounter? Why are strangers more willing to touch a strange baby than a strange dog?

It seems to come back to the image of the child, and the idea that they are less human and more ornamental. It takes a perspective shift to see a child, who has evolved to be incredibly appealing to the adult eye, as an independent person with agency. From the moment they're born, babies clearly have preferences. One likes to be cradled, another prefers to be held upright over the shoulder of the adult. One is soothed by Disney soundtracks, another by Bad Religion. And yet the idea culturally held by adults is that children are universally content to be touched by strangers. While it's true that babies need touch to thrive, they need touch in the same way adults do- on their own terms, by their own preferred people. In the way a hug from a favorite aunt is preferable to a hug from a well-intentioned stranger, infants may accept affection from other people, but it does not have the same meaning as a cuddle from a principle caregiver.

In addition to immediate preferences, young children are always learning about the surrounding cultural expectations of them. Do we adults really want them to learn that other people always have a right to their bodies? Or can we teach them through our own actions that even from the smallest, they deserve the same right and comforts that we do?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feelings

I saw an interaction this morning that stopped me in my tracks. A child, newly three, was crying because he had lost a toy in the car. Then he began yelling. Then kicking. The upset kept intensifying as his caregiver watched, not wanting to stop him from getting through his feelings (as she told another adult who asked if she could assist). She's surely been told somewhere along the line that accepting children's feelings means not stopping them. Yay!...But she's missing some follow -up. Children need to know that it's okay to be angry or sad or excited or whatever else they feel. But they also sometimes need help getting through to the calm after. An adult standing by, mute, communicates a lack of interest, not acceptance. The child intensifies, needing guidance and reassurance. The adult, so good - heartedly eager to accept the child as they are, remains unphased. The child cries out more for the centering that occurs when an adult they're attached to can initia...
Post a Comment
Read more

Well, Duh.

 Friday afternoon, I walked back into my classroom to a scene that is not unusual in any group of young children. One child had just hit another (both three years old), attempting to get a coveted toy. I walked over to the two, and as I always do, I looked at the crying child who had been hit and said, "Wow, it looks like Y is really hurting." Then, I recognized that wasn't the whole picture, and looked at the child who had hit (this time), who was already averting their eyes, and said, "It looks like A is hurting too." A turned around, stunned at my ability to perceive what was obvious to them. This time, at least. "Yeah!" They exclaimed. Y stopped crying and looked at A. I offered hugs to both, and attempted to sportscast what I saw. "A wanted that toy, and Y had it! Y didn't want to be hit." A looked at Y, and said, "Yeah, and I really wanted the truck, but I didn't want to hurt you." Both children found a spot i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sit Down and Shut Up!

As an advocate for viewing children as competent, whole humans, I spend a lot of time reflecting on how to ensure the children get that message from what I say and do with them. It turns out the best way I've found so far to convey this is to sit on my hands and bite my tongue. Now, of course, those hands have plenty of uses, turning pages, fetching necessary supplies, providing endless hugs and "uppy"s, but when a child is engaged in a project, it is my job to keep those same hands as far away as possible. When the Duplo block is not pushed all the way onto the one below it, would it be simple and nearly unnoticeable to push it the rest of the way while the child was searching for the next piece? Of course. But if I did that, the child would miss out on the chance to notice it themself, and either correct it or not. By not correcting, that child will learn One way that structure is susceptible to outside forces like gravity.  To notice where the structure broke, wh...
Post a Comment
Read more