I saw an interaction this morning that stopped me in my tracks.
A child, newly three, was crying because he had lost a toy in the car. Then he began yelling. Then kicking. The upset kept intensifying as his caregiver watched, not wanting to stop him from getting through his feelings (as she told another adult who asked if she could assist). She's surely been told somewhere along the line that accepting children's feelings means not stopping them. Yay!...But she's missing some follow -up.
Children need to know that it's okay to be angry or sad or excited or whatever else they feel. But they also sometimes need help getting through to the calm after. An adult standing by, mute, communicates a lack of interest, not acceptance. The child intensifies, needing guidance and reassurance. The adult, so good - heartedly eager to accept the child as they are, remains unphased. The child cries out more for the centering that occurs when an adult they're attached to can initiate a connection, empathize, and/ or provide the quiet physical comfort of a hug or back rub. The adult sees the child as needing to get through it.
Children aren't born knowing how to bring themselves back down from an emotional upset. As critical as it is for them to feel the whole human range of emotions, it's just as important to model and co-regulate with them. It won't always stop a tantrum, but that isn't the goal. The goal is to help the child successfully manage those big feelings, and come through the other side.
My program is play based. When I say this, people seem to think that it is Lord of the Flies. The mud-covered clothes the children tend to leave in don't do much to dispute this. So what exactly is a play based early childhood curriculum? My lesson plans revolve around materials, not instruction. For example, the math center currently has a set of Picasso Tiles, a measurement set with a variety of standardized measuring tools, counting beads, and a Counting Cars board game. Do my plans for the week involve standing in front of this group of 3-5 year olds and quizzing them on each shape in the tile set, the addition and subtraction facts in the board game, and the names of the units of measure found in the measuring set? They could, but there's not a 5 year old in the world who would sit still for that. Instead, we play together. When looking for a dress to fit a certain baby doll, we measure how many inches tall the baby is to find something that fits. When building a ro...
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