Skip to main content

Feelings

I saw an interaction this morning that stopped me in my tracks.
A child, newly three, was crying because he had lost a toy in the car. Then he began yelling. Then kicking. The upset kept intensifying as his caregiver watched, not wanting to stop him from getting through his feelings (as she told another adult who asked if she could assist). She's surely been told somewhere along the line that accepting children's feelings means not stopping them. Yay!...But she's missing some follow -up.
Children need to know that it's okay to be angry or sad or excited or whatever else they feel. But they also sometimes need help getting through to the calm after. An adult standing by, mute, communicates a lack of interest, not acceptance. The child intensifies, needing guidance and reassurance. The adult, so good - heartedly eager to accept the child as they are, remains unphased. The child cries out more for the centering that occurs when an adult they're attached to can initiate a connection, empathize, and/ or provide the quiet physical comfort of a hug or back rub. The adult sees the child as needing to get through it.
Children aren't born knowing how to bring themselves back down from an emotional upset. As critical as it is for them to feel the whole human range of emotions, it's just as important to model and co-regulate with them. It won't always stop a tantrum, but that isn't the goal. The goal is to help the child successfully manage those big feelings, and come through the other side.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ceci n'est pas un Octopus

I don't need to rally against typical preschool crafts, many   writers and satirists  and educators have taken up that cry for me. I try to take a balanced view- what are we trying to teach? And what are the children learning? A search for "octopus craft preschool" turns up many results like these: (credit to iheartcraftythings.com) Many are billed as "fine motor practice", "letter O recognition", and "numeracy" either on the initial webpage or in the notes of Pinterest pinners. And these are worthwhile goals! But what do the children learn about octopuses? What did they do to get roped in here? They're cute and all... but they don't really have much in common with this fella; I would like to present you all with a wonderful gift I received recently. A hand made octopus that exercised fine motor skills, required understanding of numeracy, and involved some processing of what exactly an octopus IS: Okay, this doesn't l...
1 comment
Read more

Play Based Curriculum

My program is play based. When I say this, people seem to think that it is Lord of the Flies. The mud-covered clothes the children tend to leave in don't do much to dispute this. So what exactly is a play based early childhood curriculum? My lesson plans revolve around materials, not instruction. For example, the math center currently has a set of Picasso Tiles, a measurement set with a variety of standardized measuring tools, counting beads, and a Counting Cars board game. Do my plans for the week involve standing in front of this group of 3-5 year olds and quizzing them on each shape in the tile set, the addition and subtraction facts in the board game, and the names of the units of measure found in the measuring set? They could, but there's not a 5 year old in the world who would sit still for that. Instead, we play together. When looking for a dress to fit a certain baby doll, we measure how many inches tall the baby is to find something that fits. When building a ro...
1 comment
Read more

Their Favorite Question (Is Mine Too)

Why? Why? Why? If you've been around a child for any length of time, you've probably heard this more than you care to count. Toddlers and preschoolers use it when they're curious, testing limits, and just to extend a conversation. Just today, I've heard "why?" in response to: a request to pick up puzzle pieces, an announcement that it's almost time to put shoes on, a line from a story I was reading, a request to bring a glass of milk away from the edge of the table... and about 400 additional times. Sometimes the answer is obvious, sometimes less so. Sometimes it's because the child clearly wanted to contribute verbally but didn't know what else to say. So, why  do I love it? It's a reminder to me, as their educator, to build intentionality into every action. If my goal is for them to understand phonics, why  would I give them sight words rather than more letter sound practice? If my goal is for them to learn about spiders, why would I gi...
Post a Comment
Read more